Saturday, 11 April 2015

7 Days of BPD - Day Six: Q&A With Anonymous

1. Did you realise you had symptoms of BPD before being diagnosed with it?  
no
2. How did your diagnosis come about? 
I was diagnosed after spending a year in hospital after I had turned 17
3. What is your understanding of BPD?
That I feel things much more than your average person, that my thoughts are uncontrollable at times, that I will always see the negative side to myself or situations before anything else, that my sense of identity of myself and the world in general is so full of doubt, fright and disgust, making it a horrible life to live with sometimes.
4. Have you always agreed with your diagnosis? If not, why not?  
At the beginning I didn’t because I was convinced it was personal to ME. I couldn’t even imagine anyone else having similar difficulties, noone could ever hate themselves this much, because people aren't a bad person like me. It wasn’t until I physically met others with the diagnosis that I started to believe it.
5. What do your family, friends or loved ones think of your diagnosis? 
Everyone Is supportive and understand that im a bit different
6. What treatment have you been offered for BPD? 
DBT, CBT, EMDR and schema therapy
7. What treatment do you have or have you had? E.g. therapy, medication etc. 
I have been very fortunate that I received a lot of help, with all the therapy I mentioned before and with medication.
8. Which symptoms of BPD do you have? 
I think I have pretty much all of them, but I see myself as in recovery, so even though the symptoms are still there, they are much less intense and they are manageable
9. Can you describe what they’re like? 
Its like living in darkness and knowing so much about the darkness in you and in the world which noone else can see. Its so so lonely.
10. Which do you feel is worse, and why? 
The loneliness is the worst, because you know no one truly understands, and you know that you cant make someone truly understand because they'd leave and abandon you for it. Its just you on your own.
11. How are you treat by mental health professionals? 
Hmm, a mixture. Somepeople are very caring and understand the diagnosis, and other professionals judge you and treat you as a time waster, an attention seeker and a pain in the arse. That hurts.
12. Do you feel they treat you differently to service users with other diagnosis? 
The uncaring professionals do
13. Have you had any bad experiences of mental health services? 
Plenty!
14. What has been your best experience? 
The huge amount of time therapists have spent with me. The special therapists that never gave up, understood and made me change bit by bit. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them
15. Do you have any advice for others with BPD? 
Take things day by day. That is how I manage to stay well, so even if you have the worst day ever, if you see tomorrow as a fresh start then eventually you start believing it too, so the negativity that used to last weeks or even months can start lasting for less amount of time which is half the battle!
16. What or who has helped you the most and how? 
My family. Their constant support, I have treat some of them so badly, put so much upon them and put them in situations that they never deserved, yet they are still here for me, and celebrate with me now that I am well. They could of gave up on me but they never did or have, not once. and for that I am eternally grateful
17. Is there anything you wish you’d known when you first began your journey? 
I wish I'd realised sooner that its okay to trust people, 99% of people are good, and a few bad people shouldn’t of affected the way I saw everybody else. It took me far too long to realise that.
18. Do you have any regrets of things you’ve done because of BPD e.g. self-harm etc? 
Self harm definitely. I am now classed with a deformity which I can never undo, I will have the physical reminders of my darkest days for the rest of my life. that sucks.
19. Is there anything you think should be improved in mental health services? 
I think it should be taught more in schools. Looking back I realised I had mental health difficulties since my early teens, and maybe If I had been educated I could of gotten help sooner and it might not have progessed to the level that it did. Instead of lying to everybody to hide what I was going through, I wish I was taught that it was okay and it could have been helped.
20. Have you had experience of being in a medical hospital since your BPD diagnosis? 
Was it different to before your diagnosis? - didn’t have much experience tbh
21. Why did you begin blogging? 
N/A
22. What affect has it had on your life? 
N/A
23. Have you ever been admitted to a psychiatric ward? 
If so, what was your experience like? - Unfortunately yes, for many many years, and it was horrible but at the same time it helped me get well enough to know ill never end up back in the same situation, so I suppose I am thankful for that.
24. What do you like to do in your spare time? E.g. career/education and hobbies/interests. 
I am just trying to live a happy life and to catch up on all the things I have missed out on.
25. Is there any last thing you’d like to say? 
Things can get better. If you had met me when I was ill you might of thought I was never going to change, but I did, and if I can you can too!