Friday, 22 January 2016

"I'm fed up of feeling misunderstood" - A guest blog by Scott Latty

TW: this post contains discussion of self-harm
Note: upon reading Scott's submitted post, I immediately noticed that it didn't seem to flow properly and figured I'd just have to do a lot of editing. And then, I reconsidered it. Scott's writing style is affected by his ADHD, and this is why I made the decision to publish his post exactly as Scott had wrote it. When I discussed the issue with Scott he said 'it's so hard for me to type/write. My brain won't/can't focus for long enough to keep track. My mind races ahead of itself. Even though I love writing once I get into it. The ability to focus doesn't come naturally to me.'
For more information on ADHD visit http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx


I've always felt that I existed on the outside of a bubble, looking in to what I believe was my family. From an early age I have struggled to understand what was going on around me. I hated feeling 'different.' I was desperate to feel loved which, for most of my life, I can remember. Sadly for the most part I have always felt 'misunderstood' by the very people that I was reaching out to: my family. Rejection! That's when my first experience of what we class as 'mental health' started.
I've been dealing with my mental health since the age of 14, maybe younger, but I knew I felt 'different' to my family, little did I know, that I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder aka ADHD (and I'm proud that it is a part of me). I can't describe it as it's just there. Plus, I haven't got enough room to do that ironically. Put it this way, I hate the word 'no' (I'm oppositional). I'm impatient, I tend to interrupt a lot, but I'm also a number of positive things, too.
I can remember having suicidal thoughts at the age of 17-19. I did actually put my hands around my neck, but it was out of pure frustration and anger at being ignored by my Mum. I once cut my hand with a bread knife to try get the attention I was desperately seeking. Needless to say - very bad idea! Did it have the desired effect? No! My Dad wasn't around. So I felt extremely isolated. I had a typical single parent upbringing. I hate depression, I hate the low self-esteem, I hate it all.  BUT; I will no longer accept that my mental health will define me.
I came up with the idea of a screenplay. Here's the link: http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/north-east-news/comedian-rory-Bremerton-gives-thumbs-up-8673401
I also came up with the name for 'Mentally Sound Radio' but I've recently taken a step back to focus on my own project. For me, I feel the need to have more control over what I do and what I create, but to work alongside people that understand me and my vision. I'm quite difficult to work with and I'll happily admit it. I try not to allow my mental health to define me; some days it really feels like it has a hold over me. I'm in the midst of getting help for it.
I'm fed up of feeling misunderstood. I'm happy being me. I have to accept myself for who I am so I can then help others do the same.
I don't know how my wife puts up with me!